How to Make Sex Feel Good Again

woman in white dress lying on white bed

Sex is a vital part of any healthy relationship, but it can become boring. Try to add a bit of spice back into your bedroom routine.

Start by changing your mindset. Sex doesn’t have to be a race to orgasm, it can be anything you choose it to be.

1. Take care of yourself.

Even if your relationship is great, daily life can have a big impact on your enjoyment of sex. Stressful jobs, nagging to-do lists and unfinished chores can keep you from connecting with your partner in the bedroom. So the first step is to find a way to relax and take care of yourself.

Then, make a point of foreplay throughout the day. Linger over a morning kiss rather than giving him a perfunctory peck; whisper something naughty in his ear; massage his shoulders in the afternoon. Little foreplay actions like these can increase your arousal all day long and help you stay turned on into the night.

Another health-related tip: Exercise regularly. Aerobic exercise boosts circulation, which helps to increase arousal. Plus, it offers a host of other benefits, including staving off heart disease and some cancers, improving your mood and helping you sleep better.

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If you use hormonal birth control, talk to your gynecologist about finding a pill that won’t stifle your libido. Also consider switching to a nonhormonal birth control method, such as a diaphragm or a condom, because these methods can actually boost your libido. Finally, work on communicating with your partner in a more open and honest way. Couples who can communicate effectively have stronger emotional bonds, which are key to sexual arousal.

2. Recharge your sexual batteries.

We all hit a slump in the bedroom at times. But it’s totally possible to turn things up again, especially if you get creative. “Melt boredom with something new, whether it’s a position, location or outfit,” Koens says. You can even try out a sex toy together, or go to a kink website (where it’s legal).

Another way to recharge is by focusing on foreplay. “Emotional and physical foreplay triggers the release of oxytocin, a bonding hormone that’s also a sexual arousal trigger,” she says. So linger over your morning kiss, whisper something naughty in his ear and massage his shoulders. This will build anticipation and lead to more intense orgasms.

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And if all else fails, just remind yourself that sex is good for you. Not only does it make you feel great, but researchers have found that people who have sex regularly have more infection-fighting antibodies in their saliva than those who don’t. Plus, having sex is a great stress reliever and can help you burn off calories. So keep that in mind next time you feel the urge to play solitaire.

3. Get a little handsy.

Getting in the mood for sex isn’t always easy. Luckily, there are a lot of different ways to get yourself (and your partner) in the right place.

Rather than waiting to use your hands until you hit the sheets, try gently touching each other throughout the day. It will help you feel close and sensual and can create a delicious anticipation for intimacy when the time is right.

One great way to get the handsy feels on is by playing “zero to orgasm.” For a set amount of time, have your partner touch you wherever they want to, starting with non-sexual touches.

4. Get out of your comfort zone.

Sexual exploration is an important part of a healthy relationship. However, some people can get stuck in a sexual shell, which may be due to societal norms, personal beliefs, or simply lack of knowledge. Getting out of your comfort zone can be an exciting and liberating experience. It can also help you explore your desires and where they come from, encourage you to be more open to new experiences, and grow as a person.

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One way to get out of your comfort zone is by trying something that you have never done before, like a certain position or location. It’s important to take it slow and don’t go overboard. Just be mindful that there’s a difference between stretching yourself and pushing yourself too far, which can lead to pain.

Another fun way to get out of your comfort zone is to play games in bed. Try something new, like a game of truth or dare, or even try playing sexy games that you and your partner can enjoy together, such as a game of spin the bottle.

Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes the reason your sex life has become boring is that you and your partner have been doing the same things over and over again. As the old saying goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” So, try spending some time apart from each other in order to see if that reigniteses your flame.

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