It’s not all chains, dungeon equipment and sex swings at these events. The right ones are safe and friendly places for people to explore their kinks in a fun, controlled environment.
You’ll find all sorts of people at a fetish party: skinny, fat, dudes wearing t-shirts with comic book characters on them, full on leather daddies and everything in between.
What is a fetish party?
In a nutshell, fetish parties are nightclubs or bars with a special theme. They’re usually geared towards a particular kink or sexual preference, and people attend them to dance, socialize, and dress up in the theme. Most fetish events are safe and consensual, so you can explore your own kinky desires in a relaxed environment.
A lot of fetish parties have an edgy alternative feel, and they often feature DJs, visuals, fashion shows, performances, and a market area. Some clubs also have active play going on inside. Others are simply socialising places for like-minded individuals.
Fetish parties have been around for a long time, and they’re still growing in popularity. They’re also a great place to meet new friends who have the same kinks as you do.
In the US, the biggest kinky event is the Folsom Street Fair. It’s the place to be if you want to try everything from whip workshops to a real-life dungeon experience. Meanwhile, London’s Fetish Weekend is Europe’s biggest celebration of kinky culture and features a variety of different activities from fetish shopping to a full-on whip workshop. It’s a great event for first-timers, too, because there’s so much to do, and all of it is in a safe, secure environment.
What to wear
Fetish parties can be very wild, but they can also be safe and comfortable – it really depends on the organizers. Do your research, read reviews, and find the right events for you. The right ones will be fun and friendly, with latex clothing, amazing creations, and play areas that are safely managed to make sure everyone has a great time without getting hurt. The wrong ones will be dangerous, strange, and dirty, and give the whole fetish scene a bad name.
Most fetish clubs and events will have dress codes. This is not to be pretentious or exclusionary, it is there for your own safety and to keep the event a safe space for people of all backgrounds to enjoy. It is also a way to prevent unruly behavior – for instance, one guy I knew in Amsterdam used to attend Kinky Clubs dressed in his most Home-Made kinky outfit, including fishnet panty hose and Doc Martins, and he would wrap his genitals in duct tape (because he liked the feel when it was ripped off).
If you are unsure about what to wear, there are lots of galleries online of people attending fetish events to get ideas. For example, if the theme is “Black Tie,” you can wear black leather, a suit with a matching silk tie, or even a tuxedo. For women, you can choose from floor-length evening gowns or tailored jumpsuits. You can add accessories to your outfit to match the fetish you want to explore, such as adding a mask to your evening gown for a mask fetish or wearing a choker for a dominant or submissive mood.
What to expect
Fetish parties aren’t as dark and dangerous as you might imagine. Instead, there are a lot of people dressed in latex, playing with each other and interacting with all kinds of kinky equipment.
You will find a bar or dance floor where you can socialize, some rooms that are for more intimate scenes and then specific areas for the more kinky stuff like harnesses, sex toys, whips and cages. You might see fetish outfitters selling their wares in the bar or even at a booth set up in one of the rooms. These people are usually experienced in creating a particular look and can help you to make your outfit perfect for the occasion.
A fetish outfit could be as simple as jeans and a rope harness, a pair of panties with some chain straps or a full-length latex costume. Add a few accessories to dress up your outfit even more, for instance a hat and vintage glasses to create a steampunk doctor look or a lab coat and stethoscope for a scientist outfit. A couple of hanks of rope or a few floggers will add the final touch to your kinky outfit.
If you’re going to a fetish party for the first time, it might feel a bit strange and it’s important not to judge other people. But don’t be afraid to ask questions and take part in conversations. It can be a very fulfilling experience and there’s a good chance you will have lots of fun.
How to make the most of your fetish experience
Fetish events can be scary, but they don’t have to be. With the right preparation, you can enjoy yourself without getting ripped off or raped, and learn about what gives you real kink. If you go in with the right attitude, you can make some great friends, meet some new people and have an amazing time.
To do this, identify ways that you are sexually aroused and try to understand why you have these interests. It can help to talk about your fetishes with a partner, if you are in one, so that both of you can decide if these activities can be incorporated into a healthy relationship or if they should be limited to specific times and occasions.
Many fetish clubs have specialized areas that focus on specific kinks, so you can get the most out of your experience by attending a party that matches your interest. You’ll probably find that some of the people in the club are in established relationships or kink dynamics and socializing; other people will be playing publicly (which can range from something simple like spanking over clothes between friends to an intense scene involving fetish play, nudity and sex); and still others will be cruising for people to play with at the event or potential sex partners outside of it.
At the Pleasure Garden club, for instance, you’ll find tented “Couples Only” rooms to avoid wandering voyeurs, as well as a huge assortment of equipment that you can use for fetish play including chains, whips, masks, handcuffs, ropes and a sex machine.