Jealousy is a common feeling in open relationships. It can be triggered by feelings of insecurity or fear of abandonment.
But getting over jealousy doesn’t necessarily mean ending your non-monogamous relationship. Instead, you can learn to use constructive communication techniques to help you deal with these insecurities. Here are some ways to do it: 1. Reframe your thoughts.
1. Reframe your thoughts.
While it may feel counterintuitive, addressing jealous feelings by reframing them can help you move past them. Jealousy is often a symptom of an underlying issue, and it can be helpful to discuss your concerns with your partner(s) in a supportive, nonjudgmental manner.
For instance, if you’re jealous that your partner is spending time with another person and it makes you feel neglected, it would be reasonable to ask them to spend more quality time with you in the future. This type of conversation is a great opportunity to practice constructive communication, which promotes good feelings in the relationship.
Additionally, it’s helpful to identify the physical manifestation of the jealousy, such as a tightness in your chest or a sinking feeling in your stomach. This can make it easier to calm down and focus on the root cause of your emotions. This technique can also be useful for working through other feelings, such as anger or fear of abandonment.
2. Take a break.
Jealousy in an open relationship is normal, but it’s important to recognize your feelings and discuss them with your partner. A therapist can help you work through your jealousy and strengthen your relationship.
Start by picking a calm time to talk, like when your partner isn’t busy or in the middle of something important. Ask your partner what they feel about their situation and how they’re handling it. Try to avoid confrontational language and be honest with each other.
You can also write down your thoughts on a piece of paper and try to figure out where the jealousy is coming from. Does it stem from fear of being left or a lack of trust? Then you can replace those negative thoughts with more logical, supportive ones.
If you’re unable to get past your jealousy, it may be time to consider closing your open relationship. However, it’s important to speak with a counselor who specializes in polyamorous relationships.
3. Practice mindfulness.
Jealousy has a bad reputation, but it’s not always a bad thing. In fact, research suggests that jealousy can be a sign of caring deeply. Try not to judge your partner’s feelings, and remember that all emotions are valid, even if they’re uncomfortable. Focus on your breath or use mindfulness techniques like meditation to help you calm down when a bout of jealousy hits.
Talking to a therapist can also help you find ways to cope with your feelings. A therapist can teach you constructive communication skills, which will ultimately benefit your open relationship in the long run. They can also help you identify the root causes of your jealousy so that you can address them. Jealousy often stems from feelings of insecurity, and working through these issues will only make your relationship stronger.
4. Talk to a therapist.
Jealousy can be a tricky emotion to work through. It is often perceived as a sign of insecurity, but it can also be a sign that you have healthy attachments. However, it can also be a sign that you need to address your needs with your partner(s).
A therapist can help you identify the root cause of your jealousy and find healthy ways to manage it. They can also help you set appropriate boundaries for your relationship. This will ensure that you both feel safe and secure while allowing for flexibility.
Remember, jealousy is a normal part of any relationship. Don’t let it discourage you from pursuing a non-monogamous arrangement that will bring you happiness and freedom. With time, jealous feelings can be replaced with positive feelings of trust and love. Just be sure to practice constructive communication techniques and set appropriate boundaries so that you can enjoy your open relationship without feeling jealous.
5. Set boundaries.
Often, jealous feelings are triggered by fear that you’ll lose something. So if you’re in an open relationship, it might help to establish boundaries upfront about how many partners you’ll allow to date you, whether you’ll have veto power over secondary hookups, and how you’ll spend your time together as a couple.
It can also be helpful to identify your jealousy triggers and figure out what about them makes you feel insecure. Is it a specific person, an activity you think is inappropriate or ill-considered, or a feeling of inadequacy? Getting to the root of your insecurity will make you and your partner better equipped to tackle it.
Besides setting sexual and emotional boundaries, Blue suggests experimenting with creative ways to manage the feeling, like drawing your feelings on paper. You might draw long slow loops for your anger, tiny sharp squiggles in the corner for loneliness, or a big messy blob for sadness.
6. Stay positive.
Having a clear understanding of where your jealous feelings are coming from and how to manage them is important for any open relationship. If you’re struggling to identify the root cause of your jealousy or need help managing it, consider talking with a polyamory-affirmative therapist.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion that can be uncomfortable, but it’s also a necessary part of healthy relationships. Try to see your jealousy as a guidepost rather than an emergency alarm. It can be helpful to practice some of the coping strategies listed above to address your jealous feelings and keep your relationships strong.
To get more specific about the root of your jealousy, ask yourself what you’re afraid of losing. Try journaling or taking a deep breath to calm down and focus on your body. For example, many people experience jealousy as a sinking feeling in their gut or heaviness in their chest. Identifying the physical manifestation of your jealousy can help you to calm down and explore its root causes in more depth.